You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
