got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
