the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
