your room smells of hookers.
And success
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
