i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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