She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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