I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You are the jesus of drinking
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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