He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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