He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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