Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
