I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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