woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
