I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Randomize