Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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