I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
