Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
