You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
