I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
