I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
