I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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