Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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