I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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