Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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