Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
