girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
