never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
