wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
