I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My feet surprised me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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