The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
