Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
