i already hear my dad disowning me
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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