i was born a porn star she said
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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