he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Of course I have a pirate flag
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
