So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
