Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
