Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
