I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
