i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
