At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
