i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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