She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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