The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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