I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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