she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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