Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize