she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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