I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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