Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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