so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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