Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
