Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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