You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We got so high we made milksteak
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
