You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it was like eating out sand paper
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
