my text book just quoted the cookie monster
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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