So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
