where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
