I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
