I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
