So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
