he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
