Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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