Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
