Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
