You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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