so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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