That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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