yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
